


the sun would never shine the same.

by drywitticisms



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multi, References to Depression, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 11:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25969039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drywitticisms/pseuds/drywitticisms
Summary: "Grief is the price we pay for love."-Queen Elizabeth IISomething terrible has happened, and it brings Alexander & Eliza closer together as husband and wife.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Angelica Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Angelica Schuyler & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	the sun would never shine the same.

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in an AU where Angelica dies before both Alexander and Eliza. However, this is essentially a love letter to Angelica. Yes, it's another one of those. This is Hamgelica heavy, Hamliza light. Don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> Trigger warnings are in play here, because there are a _lot_ of things going on here and I can't tag them all or else I'll give the whole thing away. Tread lightly when you read this story. As I always say, pay attention to the tags.
> 
> The title comes from Mariah Carey's "One Sweet Day."

_"Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way."_

\- **Anne Morrow Lindbergh**

With every stroke of his quill, a teardrop would smudge every word.

He was too distraught to care.

As long as he could write, he could bring her back. He could make things right; he would apologize and she would sail back home and she would be there with him.

She would excitedly greet him before wrapping her thin arms around him in a hug while they held each other until she was ready to let go. 

Eliza would smile upon them with happiness and contentment. Things would be okay again. Things would go back to normal. 

Angelica's lively eyes and bright smile would be directed towards him and he would feel that electricity bubbling under his skin. 

He’d written 24 letters in the past 3 weeks in hopes that she would respond to even one of them.

But deep down inside, he knew she never would.

Angelica would never write him another letter for as long as he lived.

“Alexander-” The voice quietly spoke, “Please, come downstairs and eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat or you will get sick.”

“I’m fine.” He said as he continued to write.

Eliza looked over his shoulder and only saw smudged spots that used to be words.

She didn’t know how to help him as she was grieving too.

Her big sister who could charm and dazzle everyone in the room was _dead_.

**Angelica Schuyler was dead.**

It was a freak accident, they said.

It happened so quickly. They couldn’t save her. It was too late.

Eliza was numb. Alexander was almost catatonic. 

Eliza had her own way of grieving, but Alexander could barely function at this point.

Eliza continued to take care of home and herself and her family, but there were still moments where she would be hit with a sudden crying spell that couldn’t be curtailed. When those spells happened, she would often cry herself to sleep. 

She never tried to fight the pain; she gave herself over to the grief as she knew she needed to do something with all that grief inside of her. She couldn't keep it to herself. 

It had to be released. It wasn’t healthy to keep it all bottled up inside of her waiting to bubble over.

Alexander stopped eating. Or he wouldn’t eat in her presence; and when he did eat, it was an apple here or there, but nothing more substantial than that. Eliza knew because she would see the apple cores when she would look in on him.

He simply refused to leave his study. He spent his days cooped up in that room writing letter after letter to Angelica.

When he was too exhausted to keep writing, he would crash out on the sofa in his study wearing the same clothes from the previous day.

He barely responded to her whenever she tried to speak with him. She was so lost. She didn't know what to do. 

She had been told by their family doctor to simply leave him be.

_“This is what he needs to do until he can fully accept her death. This is the only way he can cope. He's buried in his grief. He needs time,” He said, “After which, he will come back to you.”_

She didn’t know what to do; she wasn’t certain that she would ever get her husband back.

The children noticed the change in Daddy's behavior but they somehow knew instinctively to give Daddy space without her ever saying anything.

If she suspected anything about her husband's relationship with her sister prior to Angelica’s death, then it had been confirmed tenfold ages ago.

Eliza saw the way Alexander looked at her sister, and she also noticed the way Angelica looked at him.

She knew there was something between them, but Eliza knew neither one of them had acted upon those feelings.

Whatever those feelings were.

Eliza just knew.

Alexander was in love with Angelica.

Why else would he react this way? Eliza would have been saddened by John’s death but she wouldn’t have been so melancholy that she refused to eat, sleep, or bathe.

In that moment, she understood him.

Alexander wasn’t grieving his favorite older sister; he was grieving the woman he loved.

It **stung.**

Eliza wouldn’t lie about that, but it was also a bittersweet feeling.

She loved Angelica with her whole being, but it was evident that so did Alexander. 

Thinking back on all those times in the past, Eliza could never quite keep up with the two of them when they would talk about Paine and Locke and Macbeth.

Eliza was his wife, but she didn’t always understand him. Not like Angelica.

Besides, she knew how easy it was to love Angelica. She couldn’t blame him for something that came easy to **everyone.**

Angelica was beautiful and _intensely_ passionate, and everyone loved her.

If Eliza were a different woman, she would be far less calm and accepting of this **revelation.**

Alas, she knew their relationship didn’t invalidate her marriage to Alexander. There were two very different relationship dynamics that coexisted at the same time.

Eliza wasn’t in competition with her sister. 

Not back then, and _especially_ not now.

She was Alexander’s wife, and the woman he would spend the rest of his life with, but Angelica knew his soul.

Eliza supported him as much as she could and as best as she could, and she always thought that was enough.

It was enough; it was just **different** than what Angelica was able to give him.

It wasn't better or worse, simply different. 

And she couldn’t rightly fault Angelica for falling in love with Alexander either.

She knew how hard it must have been for Angelica to find another person who could speak her own special language. 

Angelica was absolutely brilliant; most men were intimidated by her and they didn’t know what to make of her. 

They thought her to be eccentric as they couldn't fathom a woman who knew just as much as them, if not more.

But not Alexander. He rose to the occasion and accepted her for who she was.

Alexander didn't shy away from Angelica's natural power. 

Angelica was one of a kind, and there wasn’t anyone else like her. Listening to Alexander talk about his work, Eliza could see why he and Angelica bonded the way they did.

For all their years of growing up together, Angelica had never met her equal until she met Alexander.

Much like the fact Eliza couldn’t keep up with Alexander, she couldn’t keep up with Angelica either.

But Angelica and Alexander had no issues keeping up with each other.

And losing that one person that truly _understood_ you in spite of everything had to be like losing a piece of yourself. Eliza couldn't fathom the thought but she knew it had to be gut wrenching.

She had exited Alexander’s office a long time ago. She had come downstairs to be alone and to think. She was staring at the flames licking the firewood in their fireplace.

It was a controlled fire, a controlled _burn_.

She must have been sitting there for twenty minutes when she felt the spot next to her fold under the weight of her new guest.

She knew it was him; she could always feel him.

Turning towards him, she looked into his swollen, bloodshot eyes. Grabbing his hand, she gave him a comforting smile.

“It’s okay. I loved her too.” She said.

With that, she watched as his shoulders slumped and his entire being crumbled right before her very eyes.

He finally allowed her to see his broken heart. 

He reached over and pulled her body into his in a fierce huge as he bawled. 

They would heal, but the pain would never fully go away.

Angelica had left her mark on the people she loved and on the world.

Because of that, she would never die.

Angelica Schuyler will live **forever.**

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? I want to hear your thoughts. I sat on this one-shot for A LONG TIME, okay? This one-shot was written many many moons ago, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it or not. When I wrote it, I just felt really sad. Sure, it's just a character and none of this is real but this really got to me and I'm the one who wrote it. Or maybe I was just hormonal? Who knows.


End file.
